Five years ago today I took the biggest sigh of relief in my entire life. Five years ago today I bawled my eyes out when this boy took his first breathe. Five years ago today I was given one of the greatest gifts of my life.
Before him I didn't understand how parents could say that they loved their children the same but different. Didn't you just love them all the same? I was confusing same with equal.
Yes, I love all three of my boys equally with a full heart that somehow mysteriously expands with each day of knowing them more. But his story is not his brothers and that makes my love different and unique for him, for each of them.
He is the blessing I thought I would never have. He is what hope looks like.
I never had a problem getting pregnant but staying pregnant after Garrett was a different story. With a wounded heart I would pleasantly banter with the innocent checker teasing that I needed more children when they realized Garrett was my only and when I just couldn't banter anymore I would kindly say with a smile that it just wasn't God's plan right now.
It broke me and I had to let the idea of him go. It took a year to heal from the constant battle with my body and when I was ready to try again I did so with hope and faith holding my hand. In fact, we took Garrett to Disney as we started the journey again as an act of faith because WHEN we had another baby they would be too little and now was the time.
When we went in for what I thought was a six week sonogram and saw the technicians confused face as she searched for a heartbeat my heart dropped (again). But it turned out that it was truly a 10 week sonogram and he had been fighting to stick around without me even knowing. He decided that after three years of waiting for him I had waited long enough and came a week early from his due date. Everything in his own time.
He is the glue that pulls us together and loves each of his brothers with an equally fierce devotion that bonds them together despite their age differences. He is endearing and can charm the pants off anyone. He is my biggest cheerleader and even at his young age he lifts me up daily with his kindness and love. He shares his heart so freely with us everyday and for that we are all better.
Five years ago today I was given the child I was meant to have and my heart was healed. Happy happy day to my sweet boy.