I'm slowly coming out of hibernation from a season of over-committed, exhaustion and self doubt.
I always tell myself I will be better about setting boundaries. I always tell myself I will be better about being realistic about the time I have to give. But then, there is an opportunity that I just can't pass up or a project I don't want to miss. Until I find myself underwater with the weight of deadlines, expectations and competing objectives dragging me down. And then I simply disappear until I've restored enough of myself to come alive again.
On Sunday I took a rare day for me even though I had so many other things that needed my attention. What felt like a selfish act of spending the day on things I wanted to do instead of things I needed to do may be just what I needed to find my way out of the darkness.
My morning began with a photo walk in Deep Ellum with my Clickin Mom's Photography group. Eliminating my children, your children, people I know from the frame affirmed my ability to see.
After a lunch full of conversation and laughter, my dear friend and I went to hear Sam Abell , a well respected and accomplished photographer seasoned by his father's influence and his work at National Geographic, speak to his work and ahem, discuss the work the participants submitted.
I submitted five images and he spoke to three. I am encouraged and lifted by the comments he made and his words affirmed me in my photographic journey. I have no doubt that I belong behind the camera. My questions are though in what capacity...
Where is the balance between client work, my work and my life beyond the camera? How do I ensure that all that I do contributes to my growth as an artist? Maybe the struggle in it all, the periods of hibernation and reawakening are the answer and I simply need to give myself permission to embrace it all.